There I was, looking at him as he stared at me; from the passenger seat. We hadn’t touched physically, but our souls had danced in grand synchronicity. His eyes just read mine, being unable tear away from gaze. I loved this. This moment, this feel. I knew that if I broke this momentous silence, I would never get a look like this again. It was one of those silences I never wanted to break. He would never want me more than he wanted me right this very second. The lust in his eyes, for not just my lips, but for my soul, my gaze. Our faces were close, resting on the seat, with our fingers playing with each others’. This was the first touch in months that I had felt since his. And his was the only touch that was worth the sin.
I came closer, our noses touched. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be doing this. I knew this was wrong, but for the first time in a long time, wrong felt really right. I pulled back slowly, this was wrong. He pulled my face forward and touched his lips with mine with such extravagance. I felt a jolt run through my body, as if he had revitalized the very spirit in me that he had taken with him when he left. I knew then, that I loved him. With every fibre of my being. Oh I loved him more than I loved me. But that’s what scared me the most, that I had always loved him more than I had loved me.
We all have that one person who slipped through the spaces between our fingers, despite the vein popping grasp that we held on with. We’ve all had those nights shattered, broken, bleeding knees, begging, crying, dreaming of one more shot at it. One more chance to make it work, To once more hold them, and take back the nasty words that were thrown back and forth, the words that broke our hearts, and shielded them with stones, the words that changed everything. Most of the time that’s where the story ends for all of us. The one who got away is almost always the one you will never see again.
Sometimes however, just sometimes; something happens and it’s like a flicker of hope from a moment’s wish, that has somehow miraculously come true. Sometimes, the one who got away comes back. Sometimes he says he loves you too. Sometimes he’ll say he wants you too. Sometimes, HE’LL pine for YOU. But sometimes, just sometimes it’s too late.
Not every wish that was answered should have been. Sometimes the second shot at it all, is just for you to understand and internalize the end, and accept it. Maybe it’s just a way for you to accept that it’s not what was meant for you. Maybe it’s a second shot at closure. But now you have a chance to wipe out all the “what ifs”.